Today’s clients are much more demanding of coaching and coaches than they were just a few years ago… because they know more and are more knowledgeable. They don’t expect to be advised or consulted, although just a few years ago the distinction between these two forms was not so obvious to them.
Even if they are looking for a strong partner in a coach, this does not mean that they are looking for “guruism” and “coachsulting.” In my work, I’ve heard many times “finally someone doesn’t lecture me but listens to what I’m talking about and properly mobilizes me to give more of myself.”
At the same time, in all my years of practicing coaching, I have heard many difficult stories about “all-knowing business coaches” and “gurus.” Stories full of terrible advice. Here are some of them:
- “It’s enough that…”
- “If you really want to…”
- “From today you should every morning, four times a day…”
- “You have to talk individually, because in groups it’s a waste of time…”
When I hear such comments blood boils in me.
And there is something even worse. People who have a track record of this type of experience, in conversations with other coaches, are often discouraged, dissatisfied and full of fears about their future going forward, or doubt the meaningfulness of coaching. Those who are thinking about this profession fear that they will be seen as internet gurus or talking heads whose skills do not translate into real business results.
Where do such formulations come from?
It is normal for consultants and managers especially in the early stages of being a coach to wonder if and how they are allowed to use their existing knowledge. Their previous roles required them to be the smartest, so they are well-trained in serving simple advice.
When they step into a coaching role, they have to be very careful about the mechanisms that previously guaranteed their success. This is because customers may perceive them as lacking business maturity or imposing their solutions.
So one of the first and really difficult tasks on the coaching path is to stop using the muscle of “advising” and instead empower the client when they need it and at the same time motivate them to act, but on their terms.
Once you’ve done this work, it’s time for the next step – learning to name behavioral patterns instead of giving ready-made solutions. The client, with your help, is supposed to discover strategies and patterns on his own, not take the infallible advice of a “coachsultant.”
In order to travel the road from coachingsulting to the ability to reflect behavior, one needs not only an in-depth knowledge of coaching techniques and methods, but also to systematically undergo professional supervision or accreditation. It is when a coach expertly assesses whether one is imposing (sometimes even unconsciously) one’s opinions and worldview on clients.
Even the ICF (International Coaching Federation), while appreciating the ability to see clients’ behavioral patterns, openly stresses that giving advice is taking choice and influence away from the client.
So remember: a coach must not – even in the best of faith – take away the client’s freedom to make decisions. Giving uninvited advice is nothing more than one form of aggression.
P.S. Would you like to work with me and my team to plan your individual development path and master business coaching skills? Check out the program Experience Coaching is for you.
